Monday, 26 August 2013

Great Funny Jokes In English


Geography


Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.





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Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists.




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Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.





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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed



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Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my
eyes? (Germany)

A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.




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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if
their IQ drops any lower..




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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this
October...





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Technology


Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears.





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Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: And accomplish what?





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Q: What does the word *benign- mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.





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Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: I'm not touching this one...




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Q: Use the word *judicious- in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.




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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...




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Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.





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Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport




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Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No. Everybody stinks.




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Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.





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Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)

A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most national parks...




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Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.




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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)

A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.




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Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.





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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...




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Q: What does *varicose- mean?

A: Nearby.




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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Yes. At Christmas.




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Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.




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Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)

A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.




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Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.





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Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.




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Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.




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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?


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Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.




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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?





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Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.




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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: Another blonde?




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Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.




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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.






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Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.




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Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face North and you should be about right.




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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.




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Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.



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Q Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)

A: Yes. Outdoors.




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Funny Jokes In English


Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.




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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.




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